JamiE (hereiam) wrote,
JamiE
hereiam

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MY FIRST ENTRY (champaign anyone?)

Wow, an on-line journal. Who thought of that whacked idea? Oh well, it doesnt matter. Not a whole lot matters. This, obviously, is my first entry. Who the hell is reading it I couldnt honestly say. Not my friends of course. I didnt tell them about it.

God. I have nothing to say. Maybe it's time for irrational ranting....

Sometimes I wish that I was at least a little unique, that I could do things that not a lot of people could do, girl especially. Id learn how to skate board if someone would take the time to teach me. Thatd be fucking awesome. Im taking guitar lessons but I think Im musically challenged in that arena. The only thing I can do remotely well is write. And even at that I start stories and I never finish them. Theres probably some weird physiologically disorder for that but Im unaware of the name. I like to call it Mentally Screwed.

My friends. Yeah, theyre my friends I guess. Theyre all I have. Theres Meredith. Weve been friends since before time. But now were drifting apart. This saddens me in a way. Id love to be as close with her as we were before but I dont think she wants my friendship anymore. I wont fight for it if shes not willing to. But I wish she could confide in me. Look at me as someone whos there for her and will always be no matter what she does.

Theres Liz. LizLiz isshes predictable. I know that sounds harsh but its true. Shes also shallow, her words not mine but they suit her even though she probably didnt truly believe it when she said them. Liz lives in a make believe world of knights in shining armor and dreams come true. I feel bad for her. Ive personally learned how painfully real and boring life it. I almost killed myself when I found out. But that what when I didnt believe in God either. Times change and Ive grown. But Lizs world isnt healthy. I think she takes books too seriously. I read because I need to get away. To escape to other lands where peoples lives are more interesting than mine. Liz reads to become the other people. To live their lives and dream of someday living in their worlds. She also falls in and out of crushes easily. One day is one guy, the next day another. Shes so hell bent on finding the perfect love that I sometimes fear shell fall for the first guy that comes along and shes better than that. I love her to death, she means the world to me. She has a good heart and is full of light and hope. Im the opposite at times. Theres no light at the end of my tunnel and my stupid flashlight is burning out. Soon Ill be in complete darkness and then where will that leave me? I wish I could cry. They say that crying makes you feel better. But I just cant bring myself to do it. I think Ive forgotten how. This too, makes me sad.
~Jamie

PS: I found my poem:

Preppies and Hairspray
By: J.R.
They says that dogs arent smart
But there are a couple in the honors classes
They say that monkeys cant play sports
There are few in gym kicking asses

With bleach blond hair
Size 4 pants
So much lip gloss it blinds my eyes
It makes me wonder how theyre smart enough to stay alive

Cant chew gum and walk at the same time
Forgot that the door was shut
When they fall down
Their desperate followers pick them up

Yeah, youre so cool
You can put a ball through a hoop
And no one can tell you cant count above four
As long as in the end you get the higher score

I look over at your table and wonder
What the hell is so damn funny?
Do you laugh because you have nothing better to do?
Or because youve found yet another you consider lower than you

Who needs mirrors when you can get a girl
To tell you everything you want to hear
As long as you acknowledge her presence
And whisper chocolate covered lies in her ear

Who died and made you God?
Who told you that because youre pretty youre above us all?
Who made you believe that the world revolved around status?
And who was better at throwing a ball?

Speaking of balls
You have none
Where they went I dont know
But the second you find them
Ill be there with the staple gun
For the next time you need a blow.

Whats that? Youre eyeliners run?
Oh dear God the horror you must feel
Its the end of world, go kill yourself now
Because we all know what you look like
Without make up on.

So the next time I see you
In school or somewhere else
Ill ignore your perfect face
And pretend to not know you at all.

And in ten years at the reunion
When we all meet up once more
Ill be there with my riches
And the sight of you will perk me up
When Im low
Cause Ill have made by then
And youll simply have let yourself go.

Twenty pounds heavier
Thirty IQ points lower
Shouldnt have dyed your hair so much
Six kids and single
Oh what a mouthful
For someone who was so godlike in High School.
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